FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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