either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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