she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize