Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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