is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
