i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
