I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
