Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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