And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
