is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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