arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
