Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
