OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
