Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize