Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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