Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mom said you looked used
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
