In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
