Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
