Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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