When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize