i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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