i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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