So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
