Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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