if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
