she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
