i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize