3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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