Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
