It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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