Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
