Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize