Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
time to smoke my breakfast
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
