if i can run in heels then i can drive
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
