new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
