never play flip cup with pint glasses
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
