why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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