I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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