Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
