Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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