She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
