I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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