I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
