So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
