One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
