tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
