He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
