she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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