ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
