wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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