4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
