I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
