I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
