Kiss
Puke
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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