my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
