i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i've created a new STD.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
