nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
