my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
