Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
