its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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