If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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