It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
