You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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