my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
