Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
