Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
