His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
