is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
