I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
