GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
