My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
