its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
