So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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