How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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