My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
