Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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