i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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