sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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