Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
