my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
